Who should you vote for?

www.whoshouldyouvotefor.com

"The aim of this site is to provide voters in the 2005 UK general election with a simple tool to see how the main parties represent their views.
These questions do not cover all policy areas - they have been selected to highlight issues where party policies differ most starkly!"

Want a website with links to all the major parties in the election?
This site has plenty of links, each with a short description.

Also why not have a look at michaelhowardmp.co.uk, you might not get what you are expecting!

Tags: politics

Joke

((((RING)))) (((RING)))

**Pick Up**

"Hello?"

"Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mummy near the phone?"

"No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Frank."

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mummy, right now"

Brief Pause...

"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mummy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.

"I did it Daddy."

"And what happened honey?" he asked.

"Well, Mummy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Frank?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead"

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool??? . Is this 555-7039?"

Tags: humour

Darwin Awards

I don't know how true these stories are, but they made me laugh!

When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliott did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked...

The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space with her vehicle. Understandably, he shot her.

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. T he deception wasn't discovered for three days.

An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for or all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able to give the police a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended him, put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Tags: humour internet list

Star Wars

Episode 3 trailer
Click on the link above if you want to see a trailer for Star Wars episode 3.

Episode 3 pictures
Click on the link ahttp://www.tpu.fi/~t4jlaaks/ep3/bove if you want to see what happens in episode 3 in pictures.

Tags: film video images

Tsunami photos

www.cnn.com/...tsunami.photos/
John and Jackie Knill of Vancouver, British Columbia, pose at a resort in Khao Lak, Thailand, on December 12, 2004. The couple were killed when the December 26 tsunami struck the resort. Their digital camera was found, and though the camera was destroyed, searchers were able to recover photos of the tsunami from its memory card.

More photographs are here.

Tags: images photos nature

Internet - Bit torrent

Bit torrent is a peer to peer program, which allows you to copy files from other people's computers.
The authorities seem to be having a crackdown on bit-torrent sites, so it may be a good idea to check what is on- and off-line at Orb's Torrent Site Status.

Software (Bit torrent clients)
Bittorrent: bitconjurer.org/BitTorrent The Original client
Azureus: azureus.sourceforge.net
TorrentStorm: www.torrentstorm.com
ABC: pingpong-abc.sourceforge.net
Burst: krypt.dyndns.org:81 Thanks Graham
For a more comprehensive list click here

Guide at: bittorrentguide.co.uk/
FAQ at: smiler.no-ip.org/BT/BTtutorial.htm
Links: www.bittorrent.org.uk & link2u.tk

Downloads:
suprnova.org
www.thepiratebay.org
phoenix-torrents.com
filesoup.com
lokitorrent.com Thanks ILuvNUFC

Football:
football.hn.org:6969 mainly full matches.

UK television:
uknova.com (normally has Match of the Day or EastEnders if you prefer).
potuk.com Pirates of the UK.

Tags: torrent technical internet software

Stop unwanted phone calls & junk mail

How to stop unwanted telephone calls
Under Government regulation it is illegal for companies to call any individual who has indicated they don’t want the calls. It takes about 28 days after registering for all to be stopped.

To Register:
Web: www.tpsonline.org.uk.
Phone: 0845 070 0707 (national rate number).

If you are being plagued by competition calls however, sometimes these are just the product of random number generators. The best thing to do is to write the number down and then submit a complaint to www.icstis.org.uk/ to get it blocked.

How to stop unwanted junk mail
The regulations are similar with junk mail, and just as easy to stop.

To Register:
Web: www.mpsonline.org.uk
Phone: 0845 703 4599

How to stop unwanted faxes
The regulations are similar with junk faxes too and just as easy to stop

To Register:
Web: www.fpsonline.org.uk
Phone: 0845 070 0702

Tags: resources shopping

Games

www.stickcricket.com
It's all in the timing apparently.

www.just35.com/footie
Keepie up. How many times can you keep the ball up? I got 39!

zefrank.com/everysecond/
How good are you at guessing lengths of time?
This simple game finds out for you.

Tags: games

Best-ever Freeware Utilities

www.techsupportalert.com

This site lists a lot of stuff that I use, so it must be good! :-)
Including:
AVG Anti Virus (www.grisoft.com) allow you to download a free anti-virus program.
Spybot Search and Destory (spybot.safer-networking.de) for getting rid of spyware.
Ad Aware (www.lavasoft.de) cleans your system of programs you don't want on your PC.
Win Patrol (www.winpatrol.com) is a great little program that sits in the background and tells you when programs are trying to change the settings on your PC.


Anyway, there's 46 of them. For some reason the list does not contain

Zone Alarm (www.zonelabs.com), a free firewall that lets you know what programs are trying to connect to the internet.

Nor does the list contain House Call (housecall.antivirus.com) as it is a free online anti-virus scans.

Tags: internet technical software list

Terror alert in France

AP and UPI are reporting that the French Government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "run" to "hide." The only two higher levels in France are "surrender" and "collaborate."

The elevated alert level was precipitated by the recent fire which destroyed one of their white flag factories, effectively disabling their military.

Tags: humour

Joke

A fireman notices a little girl next door playing with a little red wagon with
little ladders hanging off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled
in the middle. The girl is wearing a fireman's helmet. The wagon is
being pulled by her dog and her cat. The fireman walks over to
take a closer look.

That sure is a nice fire engine" the fireman says with admiration.

"Thanks" the girl says. The fireman looks a little closer and notices
the girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's
testicles.

The fireman says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but
if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar too, I think you
could go faster."

The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then
I wouldn't have a siren."

Tags: humour animal

Football quiz

Q1: Name six England football internationals from the past 25 years who have surnames ending in 'TT'.
Q2: Name five England footballers from the last 10 years whose first names start with the same letter their surnames end in?
Q3: Who are the nine English league clubs who have the same number of letters in the first name as their last name.


Tags: football quiz

Charity

The Non Profits
http://www.thenonprofits.com/
This site lists lots of charity sites where "you click, the advertisers pay", one of which is The Hunger Site, but there's plenty more good causes.

Tsunami Eartquake Appeal - donate online
http://www.dec.org.uk/
The Disasters Emergency Committee have set up a website where you can donate online to the DEC Tsunami Eartquake Appeal.

Christmas presents
Here you buy a useful gift for someone in the developing world e.g. a fishing net or care for an orphaned child; they get the prezzie and your friend gets a card telling them what’s been done in their name.

Some of the stuff available is:
Buy a pig at worldvision.org.uk
Buy a goat or brood of chickens at oxfamunwrapped.com
Send a cow at: sendacow.org.uk
Adopt anything from an elephant to a dolphin at wwf.org.uk
Adopt a minefield


Tags: charity shopping

The Amazing Cat Collection

http://www.amazingcatcollection.com/
A collection of pictures of cats.

Tags: animal humour images photos

toongoals.tk

toongoals.tk offers you a chance to receive video clips of Newcastle United by email.
Add your email address to the mailing list, select which files you would like to receive, and that's it.

Tags: toongoals video nufc football

Cricket 2005

Fixtures
Get your tickets asap, by the looks of it the test matches have been sold out already!

npower Test Series v Bangladesh
Thu 26- Mon 30 May, 1st Test v Bangladesh, Lord’s
Fri 3-Tue 7 June, 2nd Test v Bangladesh, Durham

NatWest Series warm-up match
Sat 11 June, England v Hampshire, Rose Bowl

NatWest International Twenty20 match
Mon 13 June, England v Australia, Rose Bowl

The NatWest Series
Thu 16 June, England v Bangladesh, The Brit Oval
Sat 18 June, Australia v Bangladesh, Cardiff
Sun 19 June, England v Australia, Bristol
Tue 21 June, England v Bangladesh (D/N), Trent Bridge
Thu 23 June, England v Australia (D/N), Durham
Sat 25 June, Australia v Bangladesh, Old Trafford
Sun 26 June, England v Bangladesh, Headingley
Tue 28 June, England v Australia (D/N), Edgbaston
Thu 30 June, Australia v Bangladesh, Canterbury
Sat 2 July, Final, Lord’s

The NatWest Challenge
Thu 7 July, England v Australia, Headingley
Sun 10 July, England v Australia, Lord’s
Tue 12 July, England v Australia, The Brit Oval

npower Test Series v Australia
21-25 July, 1st Test v Australia, Lord’s
4-8 Aug, 2nd Test v Australia, Edgbaston
11-15 Aug, 3rd Test v Australia, Old Trafford
25-29 Aug, 4th Test v Australia, Trent Bridge
8-12 Sept, 5th Test v Australia, Brit Oval

Tags: England cricket sport

Joke

An elderly Irishman lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of his impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite cheese scones wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were dozens of his favourite cheese scones. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Irish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted, he could almost taste the cheese scone before it was in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to the nearest scone at the edge of the table, when his hand was suddenly smacked with a spatula ... by his wife.. . . . . . . . . . . "Feck off" she said, "they're for the funeral."

Tags: humour

A day in the life of a crane driver

@ lethalautodesign.co.uk
A picture can speak a thousand words. Maybe it's my warped sense of humour, but this is brilliant.

Tags: humour images photos

Films

www.metacritic.com
Metacritic compiles reviews from respected critics and publications for film, video/dvd, books, music and games. A summary of reviews if you like.

UK's top100 films
The Ultimate Film counts down, for the first time ever, the most successful 100 films to show in UK cinemas since the dawn of film, based on actual bums on seats.

The last film I saw was.....
American Beauty (link)
An absolutely fantastic film. I can not recommend it enough. In my top 20 films ever. If you haven't seen this film then do so.

Cube (link)
An above average horror film. Hardly "one of the best films ever" which a film graduate said to me. (In case you don't know me 'above average' isn't the highest of compliments from me when it comes to films released since the video revoltion of the 80s).

Pirates of the Caribbean (link)
Another film that is nearly a great film. Johnny Depp hams it up a bit too much, but certainly good enough.

2010 (link)
Not as good as 2001, but not bad for a sequel. At least it offers an explanation of why HAL9000 lost it.

Dawn of the Dead (link)
A parcel.

The Maltese Falcon (link)
"It's twelve inches high and its solid gold". An excellent film, though not as good as The Big Sleep (below) - this is only the second time I've watched it, Humphrey Bogart playing an unsavoury Sam Spade.

Holy Smoke (link)
This is a lass's film. It's the first film I've seen directed by Jane Campion!! I did however, enjoy it. Don't know why mind, probably because Harvey Keitel is in it (more likely the nude Kate Winslet scene :).

Lost in Translation (link)
Not my sort of film at all, but I really enjoyed it. A film about how 2 people meeting can temporarily have an effect on each other's lives. Very slow.

Shaun of the Dead (link)
Absolutely brilliant - hilarious. I loved it.

The Big Sleep (link)
Humphrey Bogart as Philip Marlowe, with Lauren Bacall - a cracking mystery thriller, though possibly a bit too complex - that's just me being picky.

Citizen Kane (link)
I don't want to show my ignorance, but I didn't think this was as good as it's cracked up to be. Orson Welles was fantastic, but I wasn't captivated by the film.

Supersize me (link)
When you analyse some of the facts shown in this film, McDonald's aren't as bad as they could be - he was only asked if he wanted to go supersize 9 times in 90-ish visits. Mind you I recommend you don't go to McDonalds as their food is shit. (I'm pleased to say I haven't been to McDonalds in 10 years).

Links
www.lovefilm.com
You can get 10 free DVDs from lovefilm.com (you'll have to remember to cancel your membership though). The DVDs are delivered by post.
uk.imdb.com
turnerclassicmovies.com
Five shit movies that everyone loves.

Tags: film list

Motorbikes

Speed cameras
List of speed cameras in Tyne and Wear, Northumberland and Durham - there's only 1 camera in Durham from the Association of British Drivers.

http://www.abd.org.uk/cameras/tyne_and_wear.htm
http://www.abd.org.uk/cameras/northumberland.htm
http://www.abd.org.uk/cameras/durham.htm
Speed trap bible

Links:
Accessories - Buster's accessories
Accessories - JS accessories
British Motorcyclists Federation
CBR600F - photo of my bike
CBR600F review from MCN
CBR600F review from Used Bike Guide
CBR600F - help with servicing
CBR forum
CBR forum - CBR600F forum
CBR forum - Technical advice
Dealers (of motorbikes!) in Tyne and Wear
Ebay Motorcycles
Ebay Motorcycles: Clothing, Helmets
Ebay Motorcycles: Parts & Accs.
Highway code (for motorcycles)
Honda
Inside bikes
Links from the Honda Owners Club
Links from Ronnie Cramer's Motorcycle Web Index
Links from motorcycle-uk.com
Links from motorcycling.co.uk
Links from motorbike-search-engine.co.uk
Links from Passion-4 motorcycling
The Motorcycle Industry Association
MCN - Motorcycle News
Ogri
Speed cameras - Tyne & Wear
Speed cameras - Northumberland
Speed cameras - Durham
Speed trap bible
Suspension settings

Tags: motorbikes list