Joke

An elderly Irishman lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of his impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite cheese scones wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were dozens of his favourite cheese scones. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Irish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted, he could almost taste the cheese scone before it was in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to the nearest scone at the edge of the table, when his hand was suddenly smacked with a spatula ... by his wife.. . . . . . . . . . . "Feck off" she said, "they're for the funeral."

Tags: humour

A day in the life of a crane driver

@ lethalautodesign.co.uk
A picture can speak a thousand words. Maybe it's my warped sense of humour, but this is brilliant.

Tags: humour images photos

Films

www.metacritic.com
Metacritic compiles reviews from respected critics and publications for film, video/dvd, books, music and games. A summary of reviews if you like.

UK's top100 films
The Ultimate Film counts down, for the first time ever, the most successful 100 films to show in UK cinemas since the dawn of film, based on actual bums on seats.

The last film I saw was.....
American Beauty (link)
An absolutely fantastic film. I can not recommend it enough. In my top 20 films ever. If you haven't seen this film then do so.

Cube (link)
An above average horror film. Hardly "one of the best films ever" which a film graduate said to me. (In case you don't know me 'above average' isn't the highest of compliments from me when it comes to films released since the video revoltion of the 80s).

Pirates of the Caribbean (link)
Another film that is nearly a great film. Johnny Depp hams it up a bit too much, but certainly good enough.

2010 (link)
Not as good as 2001, but not bad for a sequel. At least it offers an explanation of why HAL9000 lost it.

Dawn of the Dead (link)
A parcel.

The Maltese Falcon (link)
"It's twelve inches high and its solid gold". An excellent film, though not as good as The Big Sleep (below) - this is only the second time I've watched it, Humphrey Bogart playing an unsavoury Sam Spade.

Holy Smoke (link)
This is a lass's film. It's the first film I've seen directed by Jane Campion!! I did however, enjoy it. Don't know why mind, probably because Harvey Keitel is in it (more likely the nude Kate Winslet scene :).

Lost in Translation (link)
Not my sort of film at all, but I really enjoyed it. A film about how 2 people meeting can temporarily have an effect on each other's lives. Very slow.

Shaun of the Dead (link)
Absolutely brilliant - hilarious. I loved it.

The Big Sleep (link)
Humphrey Bogart as Philip Marlowe, with Lauren Bacall - a cracking mystery thriller, though possibly a bit too complex - that's just me being picky.

Citizen Kane (link)
I don't want to show my ignorance, but I didn't think this was as good as it's cracked up to be. Orson Welles was fantastic, but I wasn't captivated by the film.

Supersize me (link)
When you analyse some of the facts shown in this film, McDonald's aren't as bad as they could be - he was only asked if he wanted to go supersize 9 times in 90-ish visits. Mind you I recommend you don't go to McDonalds as their food is shit. (I'm pleased to say I haven't been to McDonalds in 10 years).

Links
www.lovefilm.com
You can get 10 free DVDs from lovefilm.com (you'll have to remember to cancel your membership though). The DVDs are delivered by post.
uk.imdb.com
turnerclassicmovies.com
Five shit movies that everyone loves.

Tags: film list

Motorbikes

Speed cameras
List of speed cameras in Tyne and Wear, Northumberland and Durham - there's only 1 camera in Durham from the Association of British Drivers.

http://www.abd.org.uk/cameras/tyne_and_wear.htm
http://www.abd.org.uk/cameras/northumberland.htm
http://www.abd.org.uk/cameras/durham.htm
Speed trap bible

Links:
Accessories - Buster's accessories
Accessories - JS accessories
British Motorcyclists Federation
CBR600F - photo of my bike
CBR600F review from MCN
CBR600F review from Used Bike Guide
CBR600F - help with servicing
CBR forum
CBR forum - CBR600F forum
CBR forum - Technical advice
Dealers (of motorbikes!) in Tyne and Wear
Ebay Motorcycles
Ebay Motorcycles: Clothing, Helmets
Ebay Motorcycles: Parts & Accs.
Highway code (for motorcycles)
Honda
Inside bikes
Links from the Honda Owners Club
Links from Ronnie Cramer's Motorcycle Web Index
Links from motorcycle-uk.com
Links from motorcycling.co.uk
Links from motorbike-search-engine.co.uk
Links from Passion-4 motorcycling
The Motorcycle Industry Association
MCN - Motorcycle News
Ogri
Speed cameras - Tyne & Wear
Speed cameras - Northumberland
Speed cameras - Durham
Speed trap bible
Suspension settings

Tags: motorbikes list